i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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