I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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