So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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