I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
