i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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