i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
