That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
