TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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