I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
