his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
