you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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