That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
