Yo dont text me then not text me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
