Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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