please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
