Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
