I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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