if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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