You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
