Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
