I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
