I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
