I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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