He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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