I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
