he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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