So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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