Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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