You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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