he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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