tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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