smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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