i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
