i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
