If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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