So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
