I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
either way he was missing a nipple.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
