that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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