Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
