Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
