matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
