so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
