i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
