ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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