You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
