Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We're facebook friends in real life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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