i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
