Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
