sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
