Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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