i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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