When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
