The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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