i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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