If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
