There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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