I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize