I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
