he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
