I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
