I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
