You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
