Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
