a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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