I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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