I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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