I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
