So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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