Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
