God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize