Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
