The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
