Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
