I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
